~ YOUTH VS MARRIAGE ~
Why don't you want to marry?
Part 2/2
4. Family
Some youngster are unable to marry due to various conditions applied by their parents. Some parents tell that their children should marry a financially stable person only, some say that their children are too young to marry, they think their kids still don't know responsibilities, some parents are too choosy based on their social status, some parents give in to their egos and don't support their children's decision, some are even jealous as to not let their children let them go away from them and eventually don't get a good match who would agree for all these conditions. Finally, when it's too late, and when their children are getting old, they give their children in marriage to the next person who comes asking for a spouse, without even seeing if they match or like eachother. Some such marriages only end up in tragic, meaningless divorces.
Islam says to marry when we get the physical need for a life partner. If parents have been an obstacle, some children will try to fulfill their catnal desires in other available ways. From here on parents are also part of the sins the children do in the name of friendship or friends with benefits. They are also responsible for the sins and Zinah your children commit.
So dear parents, let go of your ego, unreasonable conditions and please give your children in marriage when they feel the need for it. I don't have to explain further of the need, you've passed that age of youth, you would know very well. Now you might wonder that if you can wait to marry until you get old, why can't your children be patient. Back in your days, this situation was different, the youngsters now have extremely easy access to Zinah, and other filthy acts. So mindful about this grave sin that you are also accountable for.
5. Freedom
This reason is brought out mostly by women. Sisters say that they feel like they'll loose their freedom after marriage.
May I first ask, what do you mean by freedom? Is it going out where ever you need, with whoever you need, whenever you need at any time of the day, wear anything you need, associate anyone you need?
Well dear sisters, this is not called freedom, it's called disobedience to the almighty Allah. If your father has let you do all that, I'll tell you my dear, he has failed being a father. He's a Dayyooth, a shameless man who cannot correct and protect his womenfolk.
Islam doesn't oppress women in any way but it has layed some ground rules solely for the safety and betterment of the woman herself. She is free to do anymore being under this regulations.
If you want to go out, go out with a mahram. After marriage your guardian is right beside you to go wherever you need, whenever you need. If you need to work, choose a place where there is no free mixing, following the hijab, you should first be obedient to Allah despite being married or not.
The brothers who complain for loosing freedom if married, I ask the same question. What is freedom in your point of view?
Going out whenever you need, hanging out with friends until as late as you need, watching the game, the whole day like a couch potato, talking and flirting with any girl you wish to?
If you need to roam around with your friends, or watch the game all day long, what's the purpose of your existence? What's the goal of your life? Is it idoling, wasting time and being meaningless that you call freedom? You are only being useless, not enjoying your freedom. You can still do all that while married, with limitations, which is good for your self esteem. What you call is not freedom, what marriage brings is a place to please yourself while being a more organized person.
Well if you say that's how you relax, a good wife knows how to make her husband relax. She'll even give a complete spa treatment to make you relax.
If you still say that you are losing your freedom of talking to other women, my brother it is haram regardless, only the reward for your sin is more if you do Zinah while married.
6. Intimacy
This is something that I mostly hear from sisters personally. They say that they fear the intimacy if it would be painful, if he's the right person to give herself to, is it a must to do on the first night etc...
There's no celibacy in Islam.
Our prophet Muhammad pbuh said that because man is created in such a way. Islam encourages intimacy but prohibits celibacy and extra marital relationships. It's your right as well as your husband's right. Don't worry much about how it might make you feel and I've mentioned in one of my previous article "CONFLICTS 1/3”, give his right. All I can say he sisters is go with the flow, make sure you recite the duaa before the act and enjoy your moment that Allah has blessed you with.
Honestly, I'm not aware of the point of view of the brothers regarding this issue but as I've mentioned in the aforementioned article, be gentle on her always and satisfy her needs. And remember that it's not compulsory to do the act on their first night.
7. Unrealistic expectations.
One of the common problems in marriage is that both brothers and sisters have unrealistic expectations when they look for a match for themselves.
They have high beauty standards, social statuses, wealth, educational and qualifications, expensive dowry and mahar, etc...
A pretty face and flat stomach is not going to help you when you have a mental breakdown or post partum depression.
Wealth and health can disappear in no time, what to have to look for in a spouse is beautifully mentioned qualities in the sunnah.
You should always keep your trust in Allah and select your best match as a spouse with isthikhara.
8. Availability of Zinah.
Another reason the youngsters are reluctant to make a firm decision is because they can satisfy their needs in various easily available ways. They don't have to be tied down or commited to one person or be responsible for eachother for the rest of their lives.
If they marry they'll have to give up on their daily flings and easy going policy. All I can say is, fear Allah and save yourself from this addiction called Zinah. Indeed earth is not for pleasure. It's a prison for Muslims. You can enjoy your time on Earth while following the instructions given in the teachings of Islam in order to prepare ourselves for the hereafter. So obviously it's going to be difficult to control your needs but remember Allah has given you lots of halal options.
Moreover marriage is not only for physical intimacy. We marry to complete half of our Deen, to complete eachother, to fulfill a sunnah of our prophet Muhammad pbuh, to expand the ummah and more importantly to have and to hold on to someone, for your entire life, till death, while every other relationships must eventually part from us at some point of life.
9. Influence of the ignorant and kafir.
Living together and sexuality is becoming a trend nowadays. Islam prohibits extramarital affairs and homosexuality. It's completely HARAM. Is it so difficult to simply sign a Nikah contract with whatever affordable mahr, if you can live together without any problem? Simply do the nikah and live the same life in a halal way.
10. Dowry
Some sisters are still living with their parents because they don't have enough wealth to pay for the dowry demanding beggars who come in the name of a groom.
Brothers, it's HARAM. Don't fall into this cheap category by begging an innocent family for dowry they are unable to arrange for their precious daughter, causing them unbearable financial and mental breakdowns over earning Allah'a wrath.
In the same way, sisters, put down your demands for mahr. Anything that is minimal is always happy.
Finally dear sisters and brothers, keep your complete trust in Allah, look for your best match based on the sunnah of islam and marry your beloved spouse. Take that brave step ahead.
Whatever happens after that is in Allah's hands, still if you feel like you need time, do the nikah and live separately with your own parents.
Make Allah bless us with the best spouse and a peaceful life ahead.
– Minha Zarook Article
