WHY DON'T YOU MARRY? Part1/2

Why don't you want to marry?

Part 1/2

One of the greatest issues I see in today's society is the status of the youth. The youth of today are all spoonfed and they lack the ability to bear responsibility for the smallest things in life. It's true that we should learn from the advices from our elders but at the same time we should be wise enough to make our own decisions as caretakers of the future.
One of the problems we face due to this quality is 'delaying and denying marriage'.
However denial of marriage is comparatively less than delaying of marriage in the Muslim community.
Let's see some of the reasons that most of the youngsters complain to their delay or denial of marriage.
I've tried to rank those reasons based on the responses of the youngsters in my circle and my previous survey in the 'Nikah Marriage' page.
They are as below;

1. Economy
2. Responsibility
3. Education
4. Family
5. Freedom
6. Intimacy
7. Unrealistic expectations
8. Availability of Zinah
9. Influence of the ignorant and kafir.
10. Dowry

1. Economy.

Whenever the topic of marriage is spoken, the youngsters' first complain is their economical instability. 'We don't earn enough to feed a new person, we are hardly spending on ourselves, how can I accommodate a new change etc...?
My question is, when both two people were living in their own houses have either one of them starved to death? We know some people who are in relationships since a long time, during this period, both are living in their own houses, haven't they got enough money to spend on themselves separately?
It's true that it's the husband's duty to spend on his wife but if you are delaying marriage till you get stable, can't you marry and get some help from your parents until you get stable? It will save you from Zinah.
Do you think Allah will take 'unstable economy' as an excuse for the Zinah you are committing?
Moreover, what is the guarantee that you won't loose your job after you marry? Or loose all your savings on bankruptcy, theft or health issues? The more I think about it, the more scarier it gets.
I believe this is a lame reason to delay marriage. Because Allah has promised that He will increase your baraqah with nikah and children. What more do you want more than a promise from your creator?

Which of the favours of your lord would you deny?
(55:13)

Whoever complains their financial status for delaying marriage, don't trust in the powers of Allah isy view. Allah is the provider, even if you marry or not, you will NEVER starve to death. You just might not have enough money to fulfill your extravagant needs, but it's not impossible to maintain a beautiful family with minimal wages.
Because it's the almighty Allah, Ar-Razzak, the provider who is going to provide you each grain of rice and and as he has promised he will definitely increase your wealth after a halal Nikah. You just have to marry!
If you are wise when you spend, you can lead a content life. If your expenses were more than your income, you won't be happy or content even if you become the richest man on Earth.
Dear sisters, be mindful about your expenses. Women are commonly known for spending lavishly. Don't be the stereotypical materialistic woman. A wise woman and a good wife will think about all the torments her husband and father went through before she spends even a Rupee of what he earned.

2. Responsibility

The second most said reason is 'Responsibility'. This is becoming a crisis in today's youth society. The current youngsters are all spoonfed and thus lack the ability to bear responsibility and decision making. How long are you going to depend on your parents? When are you going to grow up and take responsibility for your lives? We can never be perfect in a task, without even trying to do it. When a child is born, it latches to its mother's breasts and drinks milk to fulfill its need, but it has been only swimming in its amniotic sack filled with fluid. Was it practicing how to suck? Did it wait for the right time to start drinking? It just started drinking when it started feeling hungry, didn't it? That's because Allah gave that child the knowledge to latch on to gain it's rizq, when it's right time.
Have you seen the birth of a baby goat? Have you noticed that it starts to walk few minutes after it's born? Allah gave that knowledge for it on the right time.
There are lots of such examples right under our noses but we deny to see.
Don't fear your future if you have done your best today. Allah has asked you to marry when you feel the need for it, then do it now, it is Allah who is going to take care of the rest, giving you the necessary knowledge about it.
Moreover, there are endless ways to gain knowledge about married life, go for pre-marriage counselling sessions, learn from the beautiful examples of the prophet Muhammad pbuh and his companions, read wholesome books etc...and take a brave step ahead.
Keep your trust in Allah and start the sunnah, what has to come will definitely come to you.

3. Education

Some of us delay marriage until we complete our education. The reason we usually say is that after marriage we get distracted and can't focus on studies due to new responsibilities, but haven't we seen so many people studying after marriage and even while having children? Have the ones who are in relationships failed in their exams? Have they lost focus?
No. They've succeeded in their education simultaneously with their affairs. Similarly I'm saying, do the same thing in the halal way.
Try to understand that a good spouse will always encourage eachother to perceive their dreams and support eachother to succeed. Just imagine having someone right beside you who would help you with your late night studies and revisions. It's going to be a beautiful journey to share with. You can build up your future together as a team.
Sometimes you might even fear that 'what if we didn't get a supportive wife?' well that can happen even if you marry after completing your studies. What if your spouse don't support your career then, are you going to not marry at all thinking about the consequences of future. So as I always say, don't think of "what if"s, anything can happen, the possibilities are endless, just make sure you do it right now in this moment.

to be continued...

- Minha Zarook